Is it Biblical to have Personal Boundaries?

It is important to understand the biblical nature and origin of boundaries. Each person must learn how to function successfully in relationship to God, his universe, and his people.

Some Christians experience confusion with boundaries, and may ask such questions as:

• ·        Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
• ·        What is a legitimate boundary?
• ·        What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundary?
• ·        Aren’t boundaries selfish?
• ·        Why am I always in burnout?
• ·        Do I tend to control others when I don’t get what I want?
• ·        Do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider settling boundaries?

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? Our intent is to address these concerns in the following weeks.

God has always intended his followers to practice biblical boundaries. These boundaries allow each person to experience the fullness of their relationships, and achieve God’s purpose for their life.

If you have found that trying harder, being nicer, or taking responsibility for others, isn’t working for you, perhaps it’s time to evaluate your personal boundaries.

What are these Boundaries?

Boundaries are property lines and responsibilities. In the physical world, they include fences, signs, walls, and list goes on. You deal with physical boundaries, their limitations, and consequences every day because they are easy to identify. There is an urgent need to recognize, heed and develop spiritual boundaries. God admonishes us in Proverbs to “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Prov.4:23).”  These spiritual boundaries help to define, guard, and maintain our soul. Boundaries define us, who we are and whom we are not. This helps us to develop a sense of ownership. The Bible clearly tells us what these boundaries are and how to protect them, but many times, past relationships have confused our understanding about our stricture.

What is the function of a Boundary?

 Boundaries keep good things in and harmful things out, they are an alarm system (feelings) for protection, they help us withdraw (geographical distance) when overwhelmed, and they protect our freedoms (controlled by others). Some examples of personal boundaries are our skin, our words (truth separates), geographical distance, and emotional distance. God admonishes us to own and protect (guard) the treasures of the heart (soul). These are our feelings (the thermometer of the soul), our attitude (convictions and beliefs), and our behaviors (taking responsibility for our own actions).

Boundaries help define our property lines so we can care for ourselves. They nurture internal things and keep harmful things outside our boundaries.

Unhealthy boundaries can be impermeable or inflexible and diffuse in nature. One purpose of a boundary is learning how to function as an “I” and “we” at the same time.  This allows for retaining your individuality, yet not losing your feeling of belonging in a relationship.  This is the function of spiritual boundaries.

Within your boundaries reside your feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, talents, thoughts, desires, and love. We must take ownership and be a good steward of what God has given to us.

Our goal as Christians should be to establish appropriate and biblical boundaries to glorify God with our lives. Setting boundaries and maintaining them is hard work, but many people find it is well worth the work as they experience true freedom.

The next blog topic will be boundary problems and their symptoms. Boundary problems may manifest themselves in clinical, relational, and functional symptoms. Only by recognizing your boundary problems can you start to establish healthy boundaries for yourself.

 (Adapted from Boundaries --Cloud & Townsends)

Next:  Boundaries Problems and Symptoms