Our goal as Christians should be to establish biblical boundaries to glorify God with our lives. Setting boundaries and maintaining them is necessary to experience our God given personal freedom.

Boundary problems can show-up in different areas of a person’s life.  The three areas to consider are clinical (emotional), relational (interaction with others), and functional (task-oriented) symptoms. Only by recognizing the boundary problems can a person start to establish healthy boundaries for themselves.

It is important to avoid seeing the symptom as the problem, but the symptom is the result (fruit) of the problem. These symptoms signal that you are hurting because of a problem. View the symptom as a sign or fruit of the problem. Seeking symptomatic relief is not enough; the goal is to solve the problem.

 The Bible tells us  the fruit of the Spirit in us should be love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness (Galatians 5:22).  The fruit that is produced in our bodies can be helpful or harmful. As these symptoms are explained, realize that a boundary issue is only one possible cause for a particular symptom. The same symptom can be caused by different problems. Boundary issues can cause these following symptoms.

Clinical Symptoms (emotional)

A.    Depression—this is a deep feeling of loss, the Bible calls it “hope deferred.” A constant emotional state of loss.

B.     Resentment—this is a toxic feeling that can over time produce ulcers and headaches. It is the feeling “I don’t like it and I can’t do anything about it,” This is a type of slavery.

C.    Rage and Anger Problems—this fruit arises out of feeling powerless, feeling out of control, or feeling cornered. The Bible speaks of this as a city without walls, there is no control over our spirit. Feelings of utter powerlessness.

D.    Obsessive and Compulsive Problems—these are ritualistic patterns that give a person a sense of control, while feeling the rest of their life is out of control. Thought control is involved also. It can be the persons Inability to say “no,” or concern of appearing as a “bad” or not a “good” person. Addictive behaviors that may occur, such as eating disorders, substance abuse, etc.

Relational Symptoms (interaction with others)

A.    Loss of Freedom—this boundary-victim is involved with a person that is a freedom-buster. The victim cannot say “no,” and their boundary violator cannot hear “no.” There are two types of freedom-buster individuals.

a.     Direct Controller--this boundary violator uses anger, rage, and tantrums to control a person. The person is the victim, and in playing that role empowers the controller to have even more power over them. This is a boundary-victim and a boundary-hater relationship.

b.     Manipulative Controller -- (indirect boundary-hater) is a violator that makes you wonder who the bad person is in the relationship. The victims take the badness inside and blame themselves for the problem. Here the boundary-victim tries harder, does more, always hoping it will make things better.

B.     Loss of Love—a non-love situation develops. Christ tells us that love will cast out fear, but in this relationship, the conditional love creates fear. This “walking on egg shells” relationship is very stressful and destructive. Love diminishes and fear is the predominating emotion.

Functional Symptoms (task-oriented)

A.    Cannot complete everyday goal or task—the person has no follow through, never finishing a task. The Lord tells us in Ephesians 2:10 we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to accomplish. To do our work for the Lord we must be able to start and finish the tasks before us. The world is full of starters and few finishers, God admonishes Christians to run the race and finish it. He tells us to, “run in such a way as to get the prize” (1 Corinthians 9:24b).

B.     Extreme Disorganization—our boundaries, good structure and limits are created by the 2^nd year of life. Extreme disorganization can reveal lack of internal structure, and poor internal boundaries.

C.    Energy Level—this is burnout. Have you ever heard yourself say, “I have to”, “I’m called to”, “I should” or “they need me”? Moses had similar boundary issues and suffered from burnout. His father-in-law, Jetho, had to remind him that he could not do everything himself, he had to delegate the workload. There were many “good” projects and things to be done, but they were not healthy for Moses to do. This symptom can add to depression and resentment.

D.    Concentration—this is a fogginess of the brain. It can be related to the number of unfinished projects and things that the brain is overloaded. There is an inability to focus until the task is finished.

Boundary issues can affect all areas of a person’s life. Jesus states by their fruits you will recognize them (Matthew 7:20) What fruits are you known for?

Remember, do  not focus on the symptom as the problem, the symptom is the FRUIT (result) of the problem. The symptom you experience is a signal that you are in pain, and you have a problem to solve. Identify the symptom of your boundary problem, and determine to develop your God-given personal boundaries.  

Next we will begin the 10 laws of Boundaries that are found in God’s Word.  

(Adapted from Boundaries --Cloud & Townsends)

Next:  Laws of Boundaries